i just have some feeling ..
May 18, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by pops
so many things going on my mind, too much to write about, too many things to share .. but words seem to be so few .. i wish i was a writer and could write down everything but i am not even that … all i can write are few lines and those lines aren’t even properly what i want to say .. bt even if i was a good write may be it’d take me forever to complete what i feel .. what am i saying ?? i dont know ?? why am i such a mess ?? i dont know ?? all i have are some feelings and i don’t have words to express how i feel or what i feel ..
i dont know whether i should be happy or sad ?? i don’t know if i am being too selfish ?? sometimes i dont know how to react .. i dont know what will happen next .. i’m not sure .. this might not last long but then i dont want to think what might happen in future … i just want to cherish this moment .. things keep fading away from my eyes sometimes; makes me sad .. but when i see her smile, something happens you know .. and i completely forget myself .. i dont remember if i was sad or why i was sad … and i’m happy too … then after a while i realize how strange it is .. when i put together all the things how weird and complicated it is ..
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:(
May 11, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by wildfire
im sorry i suck at relationships.. sometimes horribly failing my friends as well .. i think i kinda always knew i was no good at that.. but i realised it only now. no wonder im single! hah!
i guess i take people for granted..and how can i expect them to understand me all the time? I have serious problems, apparently.
Im sorry im such a terrible person! I have tried my best to be a good person. I have done all I could to be a good friend.im sorry the best of me fell short !
I always thought I was a nice person.. how wrong was I to think that! Not being “bad” isn’t what being “good” is .. maybe.
I dont think long term relations are for me..I just can’t keep them forever! im sorry im very consufed right now.
i think im gonna go away now. i never wanted to do college here anyways. you see, if i stay here anymore i will only jeopardize wat we have left.. and thank you man! for being there while i cried my eyes out..im sorry I wasnt brave enough to smile like you did! im thankful to all you guys for being there ,., even though you guys wont ever read this! secretly, im relieved.
Im really hoping that when im gone you guys will forget all the things i lack! im scared that my absence will mean you wont miss me anymore.. ! anyways..im sorry guys! !
You… with all your love
May 1, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by spaghetti
I’m not the kind who has to write blogs to sort out myself… I’m writin this for you.. coz’ I know you’ll read it and understand.
I’ve seen myself change and grow over the years. This isn’t what I always wanted.. I’ve wanted different things. Love… to start it all up with. A nice guy who I can love and who loves me back… we can dream aba stuffs together.. stay together for the rest of our lives.. blah blah!! All that crap that follows! I don’t need it.. none of it! Love has gotten to the bottom of my list of priorities. I don’t have to want to do nethin with it.. I’m sick and tired of the whole overrated love thingy! Its stupid and such a waste of time.. all I really need is to work fo’ myself. It all comes down to me… I can’t let myself be bound by something as vague and trivial as love.. I need to grow.. to become myself.. discover myself and rediscover myself………….
And right when I’ve steered my life into a whole other direction.. you show up.. you with all your love.. knockin at my door! I can’t let you in now.. I just can’t. what I feel for you is more than I can explain .. I need you! And not in some crazy psychotic way of needing someone.. I need you.. like nobody has ever needed anyone. There’s so many times I’ve drawn my strength from you.. based solely on the fact that I know that you’re going to be there for me.. without me havin to ask for it. And so I wonder.. what is to happen to you after m gone? I’ll live happily on the time that we’ve spent.. on the times that we’ll have spent until I feel the need to get out.. what aba you? I dunno if what I’m doin is right. I dunno if we should keep at it.. I dunno if I can ever be what u want me to be to you.. n I can’t let you go….. I can’t walk down that road I left again.. I don’t want to walk down that road again.. but.. you??? What do I do? How do I save you?
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The week that Went :o :) :p :)) :( :’(
April 30, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by Dumbly Smart
& we connected with no reason. your first impression on me was not good as i was too arrogant & prolly i portrayed myself cheap. While i was completely taken by your decency. Life is a bitch & u know it. The last one week was one of the awesome week throughout my life. Besides everyone I’ve met so far u do hold a special position in my heart. There were many thing that u liked about me eventually & even i was surprised to find u matching my interests (‘coz i do certainly have weird interests). Talk, Talk, & more of it. I was so much into you that i started lying with my special peoples. I wonder what was there in you & I still wonder am i really that same guy??? ‘coz I’ve never been carried away by any emotions. Yes, I know i’ve hurt u. I mean u were already loving me (the other way) without seeing me. & I must confess that I was fond of u too not b’coz i’ve seen u but b’coz i’ve heard u. & when things went crap today (all b’coz of me) i’ve already started missing u. I do think a lot bout our convo so far. & is it the end of our week (6 days actually) long relation??? I hope there r lot more things in your mind currently & so have I. But definitely, there’ll be a second try. Donno when. But i’m sure i’ll talk to u very soon again. ;0 I always told u “when u fall sort of words, it doesn’t mean u r in love but u r weak in vocabulary”. Now i can feel “When u fall sort of words, u certinly r in luv.”
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what shud i do ??
April 27, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by bhejafry
It’s not a new thing that I am in such a f**ked up situation. Especially these days, I am going thru hell and somehow the only thing that makes me happy is also the reason that makes me cry. I don’t know what to do; not that I know all the time. But I can’t think properly, I can’t say anything to anybody; even when I try, words don’t seem to come out. I am so screwed up … and even though I know that I should stop, I can’t and I don’t want to either. I don’t know the reasons why I am doing whatever I am doing or the reason why I am acting the way I am and I don’t want to know anything; I don’t want to know any reasons .. seems likes I am obsessed or something I don’t know but I can’t let go of her ..
She always keeps telling me not to go for things that are too easy; they aren’t worthy. May be it’s time for me to do the same. If not i will wait for her ..
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:( The hear that cries :’(
April 23, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by Dumbly Smart
Dear Diary,
I feel so stupid to share my feelings with u. Neither do u smile, nor do u cry. Neither u support, nor do u react. But I’m left with no option. Sharing my feelings with you gives me a sense of satisfaction. At least u stay mute and do not fake. I get lodsa complements. They say I’m too outspoken and can never feel low. They state that I am loud, friendly and don’t mind being passed with any X y Z comments. I let me grow that way. I was a very understanding offspring to my parents, a helpful human for my friends and a loving individual among my siblings. I have given my heart and soul to make my people (everyone associated) happy. I have always been positive though I am mistreated at times. I thought, they prolly were in the wrong state of mind.
I am no god & even I get hurt. Lately, my state of mind has badly collapsed. I feel taken for granted. my friends regularly call me to hang around & I’ve developed the habit of saying No. I started feeling that being available 24/7 has made me something cheap. the worst was yet to come. The most important person in my life (besides my family and its neither my love nor my friend) said “I really don’t like to see u hurt yourself that way.” I was taken aback for not being inquired about the reason behind my teary eyes and bruised hand. On top, this particular person always took me as a mentor and now I am just one name in his/her life. I feel betrayed and shattered and of course I am to be blamed for that.
Yours,
Dumbly Stupid.
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sorry :(
April 10, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by momo
I seriously don’t know what is happening to me these days .. is something wrong with me or i don’t know … so when i get angry i can’t think properly .. it’s like my mind gets jammed and its all heated up and i don’t know what I am saying … and in the process i end up hurting the ones i love the most .. worst thing is i am very bad with apologies .. and i can’t do it properly; like what many people want them to be like .. it doesn’t suit me i guess and i tend to choose to write my feelings down instead .. i know i should apologies properly but it’s just not the best things i do .. and i feel i can write it down better than saying it … people might think i am arrogant and egoist coz i am not willing to say sorry to them directly but i don’t think you need to say sorry in their face to feel the guilt for the mistake you’ve done .. i know my friends and if they know me even little, i think they’ll forgive me for being a jerk and acting weird … they know i never meant to hurt them in anyway and that i am sorry for whatever i did …
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:\
April 4, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by wildfire
wtf! you get me on my nerves so qwick! flirting with my FRIEND? wat the fuck :\
i dont know what u have in ur mind man!! i thought u liked me! :\
i cant believe u! playing 5th grade games with me!!
so i’ll have u knw that im really athletic .. i fucking going on a date tomorrow :\ with a guy i dont even like..
i wanna be with u, u blind asshole why dun u get ittttt 
asshole .. :\
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May be ..
April 1, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by momo
May be I am not meant to be happy, may be I don’t deserve anybody, may be god created a miserable person like me to set an example just to show the world .. look he’s the worst thing that can happen to anybody, at least you guys are better than him, at least you guys have a better life than his …
Few days ago I was the happiest guy in the whole world, I never thought a message from somebody could change my life so much, that it would ruin my whole freaking life .. That message took down my whole life away in a second.. I still don’t understand what hit me, I don’t know how should I react, how should have I countered it, what should I have said or done to get my happiness back .. to get my life back. Tears don’t seem to be enough .. prayers don’t seem to work .. I feel like a beggar and I don’t even know if I should be begging or not coz I don’t want to get it outta pity .. I want to be loved for real by her but I can’t see her sad too .. What should I don’t ? Who should I leave up to ?? I don’t know ..
I said stupid things to her which i shouldn’t have .. i dont want her to leave me .. i want her to be happy .. but with me .. i hurt her but she knows i never mean that … when she’s hurt, i am hurt more .. when she’s sad, i am more sad, when she cries, i cry more .. I didn’t want to put her in a dilemma where she has to choose between what she needs and what she wants ..
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To whom it may concern
March 30, 2012 | View Comments | Posted by Dumbly Smart
Life moves on pretty easily. friends, best of them, families, interests everything keeps u occupied. It never effects if anyone is having any kinda problem in their life until and unless it has something to do with u. I do have friends & lots of them are good to me may be ‘coz i am a friendship material or may be ‘coz i could be easily used. Well keeping everything aside i always give some time to myself before i sleep to analyze the people making differences in my life. I think of it very often but i hardly find people not taking me for granted. well i was taken aback when i got a text from one of my fren (She) blaming me for something that i hardly did. It kept me giving extra pressures in my mind to let me know what could be the reason. I tried calling her BFF (HE) but found that his cell was switched off. I tried time and again to call him but i was left with no answers. Whatever could be the reason i just want you to know that u r one of the nicest person that i came across with, the one who kept on motivating me to write something or the other even though that makes no sense and the one who is making me write this for you at this moment when i’m going through lot’s of pressures. So u have been one fine person i’ve ever met and i don’t want u to stay depressed even for a day and away from ur BFF. That’s really disheartening to me. I seriously donno what was i suppose to write today but this is the only best i ever could. Trust me U make her feel complete and she makes u feel so too. 
so stay happy being together, being the best fren foreva………
I am just me; nothing more, nothing less. This is my diary but I'm not the only writer. You can write on it too. Check how?
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